Fiction essentials: how to use dialogue tags

Dialogue tags can cause headaches for many authors, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Dialogue tags are (usually) essential when writing fiction, and good use can really elevate the prose. Perhaps the most important thing to consider here is that the core function of a dialogue tag is to indicate which character is speaking. It will be helpful to keep this in mind as we explore my advice on how to use dialogue tags – and how to use them effectively.


Placement

Dialogue tags can be used before, after, or in the middle of direct speech. Here’s an example of each style:

  • Melissa said, ‘That’s my chocolate cake.’
  • ‘That’s my chocolate cake,’ said Melissa.
  • ‘That,’ Melissa said, ‘is my chocolate cake.’

Note the placement of the commas and full stops in relation to the quote marks. I’m sure you will also have detected the pacing change brought about by the third example (helped along by the removal of the contraction) – this is a good tool to have in your pocket, especially when you want to create emphasis.


Embrace ‘said’

I know there is writing advice out there that will tell you to avoid ‘said’. I think that’s a mistake. ‘Said’ is so common, so conventional, that it is almost invisible to most readers. That’s what you want – most of the time. We don’t want the reader to be thinking about the dialogue tags – we want them to be thinking about the content of the dialogue and what it means for the story and the characters.

[…] too many variants on ‘said’ can become noticeable; the reader ends up focusing on the author’s language, rather than on what’s being said. ‘Said’, on the other hand, is so commonly used in both speech and writing that it’s virtually invisible.
On Editing: How to edit your novel the professional way (2018), Helen Corner-Bryant and Kathryn Price, p. 125


Avoid overuse

‘Said’ might be essentially invisible when used sparingly but that doesn’t mean that it should be attached to every single bit of speech. Take this as an example:

‘I’ve put the pie in the oven,’ he said.
‘Thank you,’ she said.
‘I think the blueberries will be nice,’ he said.
‘Yes. I’ll make some custard to go with it,’ she said.

I know that’s not the most riveting dialogue, but it gives you an idea of how dreary and frustrating that sort of use can be. It wouldn’t be much better if we used a variety of tags. In fact, it might be worse. Imagine:

‘I’ve put the pie in the oven,’ he stated.
‘Thank you,’ she responded.
‘I think the blueberries will be nice,’ he declared.
‘Yes. I’ll make some custard to go with it,’ she trilled.

A good way to spot if your use of dialogue tags has become distracting is to read the text aloud or use a text-to-speech program (the latest version of Word has one built in – it’s called Read Aloud and you can find it on the Review tab).

As I said earlier, the core function of a dialogue tag is to indicate which character is speaking. If there are no more than two characters in the scene, you can usually trust the reader to keep track of who is saying what, with only the occasional tag or action beat to act as a reminder. Limit your use of tags to where they are actually needed.


Beware of double-tell

If the dialogue tag is repeating what the reader already knows, that is double-tell. You can get away with this, usually, with ‘asked’ and ‘replied’ – like ‘said’, they are so common that they are generally invisible.

‘What an incredible sight!’ Joey exclaimed.

‘I will make sure that we find the culprit. You have my word,’ Emma promised.

In both of these examples, the dialogue has done the work already and the tag is redundant. Trust in the dialogue you have constructed and reduce the signposting for the reader – it will make for a much more immersive experience.


Avoid tags that steal focus

Many double-tell tags also fall into this category: dialogue tags that are obtrusive and overwhelm the dialogue they are supposed to be supporting.

‘You see! I told you he was a villain!’ Gregory trumpeted.

‘I am extremely displeased! Who do you think you are? I will have your job, Perkins,’ he vociferated.

The reader is now thinking about ‘vociferated’ and not about how poor old Perkins is going to get out of the pickle he finds himself in.

You don’t have to – and shouldn’t – always stick with the reliably unobtrusive ‘said’, but I would recommend thinking very carefully about whether you need to use those more ostentatious tags. Why use ‘vociferated’ when ‘shouted’ will do?


Make sure they are about speaking

Dialogue tags should be about the mechanics of speaking – they should reflect something about the speech, not what the speaker’s body is doing.

‘I absolutely love it,’ she smiled.

‘I see what you mean,’ Gareth nodded.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t convey this sort of thing around the dialogue – in fact, you definitely should. It will help ground the dialogue and bring life to your characters.

‘I absolutely love it.’ She smiled.

‘I see what you mean,’ Gareth replied, nodding.

Here are some other words it’s best to avoid using as dialogue tags: laughed, snorted, sneered, giggled, frowned, grinned, gesticulated, wept, glowered, smirked, gulped, shrugged, swaggered.

There are some that I consider occasionally acceptable in very limited circumstances (although other editors would disagree), such as laugh and sigh. You certainly can’t laugh or sigh a whole sentence, but you might be able to do it for a single word.

‘Yes,’ Penelope sighed. ‘We got the news.’


Why does it matter?

Dialogue tags are mechanical – they exist to serve the story by indicating who is speaking. They are essential for good writing, but if they overwhelm or distract from the dialogue, they can damage the storytelling. The aim to keep in mind is that the dialogue tags should support the dialogue and allow the reader to remain immersed in the experience you have created for them.

Hannah McCall is a line-editor, copy-editor and proofreader who specialises in working with independent authors and publishers of commercial fiction, particularly speculative fiction. She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi).

Fiction essentials: how to punctuate dialogue

Punctuating dialogue can feel a lot more difficult than it is. It is probably one of the things I spend the most time on when I’m editing. But once you understand the basic principles, you should be able to wield punctuation confidently and effectively in your dialogue. Here’s my advice on the following:

  1. Indicating speech
  2. Styling pauses or trailing off
  3. Styling interrupted speech
  4. Punctuating tagged speech
  5. Punctuating broken-up speech
  6. Punctuating vocatives
  7. Indicating faltering speech

Indicating speech

Quote marks

Authors usually indicate speech by using quote marks (also called quotation marks or speech marks) and that is the method that will be most familiar to the reader. It’s usual in UK fiction to use single quote marks, while US fiction tends to use double quote marks. (UK children’s fiction does often use double quote marks, though.) Of course, this is a style choice and not a matter of right and wrong. However, it is worth considering what the reader will expect to see. Whichever you choose, the key is to be consistent.

Here are the two styles in action in published novels:

Single quote marksDouble quote marks
The Watchmaker of Filigree Street (2016) by Natasha Pulley, p. 111Children of Blood and Bone (2018) by Tomi Adeyemi, p. 369
‘I … my God, you were serious?’
‘Quite.’
‘Thank you.’
“What would Baba say?”
“Leave Baba out of this—”
“Or Mama?”
“Shut up!”

It’s worth pointing out the placement of the closing punctuation here – it sits within the quote marks.

Nested quote marks

If you need to place speech within speech, use the opposite style for the internal (nested) quote marks. It should look like this:

Single quote marks with nested doublesDouble quote marks with nested singles
Good Omens (2014 edition) by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, p. 320The Starless Sea (2019) by Erin Morgenstern, p. 333
‘One of those blue ones,’ said Brian, eventually, ‘saying “Adam Young Lived Here”, or somethin’?’“‘It’s dangerous to go alone,’” Zachary quotes in response […]

Smart quotes

It is typical in publishing to use smart (curly) quote marks, not unidirectional (straight) ones. The same thing applies to apostrophes.

Image showing straight and curly quote marks.

You can make sure that Word always produces curly quotes when you are typing. This is how you do it in the latest version of Word:

  • Go to File and scroll down to Options
  • Click on Proofing and find the AutoCorrect Options… button (it should be at the top)
  • Make sure there’s a tick in the box next to “Straight quotes” with “smart quotes”
  • Hit OK

If it’s too late and you already have a manuscript full of straight quotes, you can change them quickly by doing a global Find and Replace. There are two ways to access this. On the Home tab, select Find and then Advanced Find… or simply hit Ctrl and H on your keyboard.

  • Type a quote mark into the Find what box
  • Type the same quote mark into the Replace with box
  • Hit the Replace All button

New paragraphs within speech

If a character’s speech moves on to a new paragraph, use an opening quote mark at the start of the new line but don’t use a closing quote mark at the end of the previous paragraph.

The Bone Season (2017 edition) by Samantha Shannon, p. 414
[…] One of our clairvoyants has displayed such disobedience that she cannot be allowed to live. Like the Bloody King, she must be banished beyond the reach of the amaurotic population, where she can do no more harm.
XX-59-40 has a history of treachery. She hails from the dairy county of Tipperary, deep in the south of Ireland – a region long since associated with sedition.’

The em dash

There is another way to display speech. It’s rarely done and it can be difficult to use effectively, especially if there are more than two speakers. But it is an option. Roddy Doyle is well known for using this style. Here’s an example from page 1 of The Guts, 2013:

—How’s it goin’?
—Da?
—Yeah, me.
—How are yeh?
—Not too bad. I’m after gettin’ one o’ the mobiles.


Styling pauses or trailing off

An ellipsis is the best way to indicate a pause or that speech is trailing off.

The Lost Future of Pepperharrow (2020) by Natasha Pulley, p. 134:
‘I think I’m normally mannered, but Mr Vaulker seems like a …’ You couldn’t really say ‘unreserved cock’ in Japanese. ‘Difficult person. May I sit down?’

When you use an ellipsis in this way, you don’t need to tell the reader that the character’s speech trailed off. The ellipsis is telling the reader that, and the reader can be trusted to interpret it.

Spacing

You can use the fixed ellipsis symbol or three full stops (or periods) separated by non-breaking spaces. It’s a matter of style. But I prefer the fixed symbol – it’s simple to insert.

You can insert the fixed-symbol ellipsis by typing 0133 while pressing the Alt tab on your keyboard. You can also find it by going to Word’s Insert tab and selecting Symbol and then More Symbols…

If you opt to use three separate full stops, put non-breaking spaces between them. Non-breaking spaces keep together the elements they are placed between – you won’t end up with one full stop on the line below the other two. You can create a non-breaking space by pressing Ctrl+Shift+Space.

Spacing around ellipses is a matter of style. As with most things, it is just important to be consistent and clear. However, this is how it is typically done:

  • Mid-sentence ellipsis: space both sides [1]
  • Ellipsis at the beginning of the sentence: space after [2]
  • Ellipsis at the end of the sentence: space before [3]
  1. ‘No … I don’t think that was your gateau.’
  2. ‘… I thought I put it there.’
  3. ‘They might have another one at the bakery …’

Styling interrupted speech

If you want to show that a character has been interrupted while speaking, the way to do that is to use an em dash.

Six of Crows (2018 edition) by Leigh Bardugo, p. 481
I didn’t tell Pekka Rollins anything. I never—”
You told one of the Dime Lions you were leaving Kerch, but that you’d be coming into big money, didn’t you?”
Jesper swallowed. “I had to. They were leaning on me hard. My father’s farm—”
I told you not to tell anyone you were leaving the country. I warned you to keep your mouth shut.”

The use of the em dash means you don’t have to tell the reader that the character was interrupted. The punctuation does the job for you. You can also use the em dash to signify a sort of self-interruption, where the speaker breaks off suddenly for some reason.


Punctuating tagged speech

The comma is your friend here. Unless you use an exclamation mark or a question mark, a comma will do the job before a dialogue tag. Here are a few examples:

Dialogue tag after a complete sentence‘I put the milk in the fridge,’ she said.
Dialogue tag after a question‘Did you put the milk in the fridge?’ she asked.
Dialogue tag after an exclamation‘There’s no milk in the fridge!’ she yelled.
Dialogue tag before a complete sentenceShe whispered, ‘I don’t even like milk.’

Dialogue tags always take lower case (not an initial capital letter) – it doesn’t matter if the closing punctuation is a comma or a question mark or an exclamation mark. Also note the positioning of the comma before a dialogue tag – it is placed within the quote marks.


Punctuating broken-up speech

If a character hasn’t finished speaking, but you’ve broken up their speech with a dialogue tag, action beat, or stage direction, you should indicate this using commas or dashes.

Spellslinger (2017) by Sebastien de Castell, p. 387
‘Perhaps,’ An’atria said, her dark eyes peering out from a thick halo of grey hair as she stared at me, ‘but do we still pretend this one comes to pass his mage’s trial?’

It’s typical to add a comma before the first closing quote mark and after the speech tag or additional material.

If you want to break up the speech with description of some kind, rather than a dialogue tag, it is often effective to use dashes. Dashes are a useful way to indicate that an action is taking place at the same time as the speech. US publishing tends to use closed up em dashes; UK publishing tends to use spaced en dashes.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (2015) by Becky Chambers, p. 31
‘ […] On a long haul, this’ – she tapped the top of Rosemary’s head – ‘needs to be the most important thing you take care of.’


Punctuating vocatives

Vocative expressions identify who is being addressed. It’s not always a character’s proper name – it could be a title or a term of endearment, or something less pleasant. Commas are used to make it clear that it is a vocative expression in action, and this is how to do it:

  • If the vocative expression is at the beginning of the sentence, it needs a comma after it [1]
  • If the vocative expression is at the end of the sentence, it needs a comma before it [2]
  • If the vocative expression interrupts the sentence, it needs a comma before and after it [3]
  1. ‘Barry, is the pizza here yet?’
  2. ‘That’s my slice of pizza, Barry.’
  3. ‘If you wanted pepperoni, Barry, you should have ordered it.’

Vocative expressions need to be punctuated correctly to prevent ambiguity. Missing commas lead to sentences like the classic ‘Let’s eat Grandma!’ mistake.


Indicating faltering speech

Sometimes you’ll need to indicate faltering speech – your character is out of breath, scared, surprised… Well, there are lots of ways to style this, and what you choose will depend on the effect you wish to achieve. Options include ellipses, hyphens, repeated letters, en dashes and em dashes.

Ellipses – an effective way to show distress and uncertainty

Crooked Kingdom (2019 edition) by Leigh Bardugo, p. 268
I come for job, yes?” Nina said. “To make sugar.”
We don’t make it here, just store it. You’ll want to go to one of the processing plants.”
But I need job. I … I …”
Oh, hey now, don’t cry. There, there.”

Repeated letters – good for conveying fear

Rotherweird (2017) by Andrew Caldecott, p. 230
Salt took Oblong by both shoulders and shook him twice, firmly. ‘There’s what?’
L – l – legs by the lantern …’ stuttered Oblong.
Show me.’

Em dashes – great for extreme shock/awe/terror

The Priory of the Orange Tree (2019) by Samantha Shannon, p.95:
Melaugo was clinging to the ratlines, one eye to a spyglass. ‘Mother of—’ She lowered it, then lifted it again. ‘Plume, it’s— I can’t believe what I’m seeing—’
What is it?’ the quartermaster called. ‘Estina?’
It’s a— a High Western.’ Her shout was hoarse. ‘A High Western!’


Why does it matter?

Getting the punctuation right allows the reader to concentrate on the content of the dialogue, on what it means for the characters, on how it feels. Fiction can accommodate flexibility with punctuation use, but sticking to the general conventions is often the best way to serve the story and the reader. Our aim is for the reader to stay caught up in the story, not for them to become distracted by the punctuation.

Resources:

Quoted works:

  • The Watchmaker of Filigree Street (2016), Natasha Pulley, Bloomsbury
  • Children of Blood and Bone (2018), Tomi Adeyemi, Pan Macmillan
  • Good Omens (2014 edition), Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Corgi
  • The Starless Sea (2019), Erin Morgenstern, Harvill Secker (Vintage)
  • The Bone Season (2017 edition), Samantha Shannon, Bloomsbury
  • The Guts (2013), Roddy Doyle, Jonathan Cape (Random House)
  • The Lost Future of Pepperharrow (2020), Natasha Pulley, Bloomsbury
  • Six of Crows (2018 edition), Leigh Bardugo, Orion
  • Spellslinger (2017), Sebastien de Castell, Hot Key Books
  • The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (2015), Becky Chambers, Hodder & Stoughton
  • Crooked Kingdom (2019 edition), Leigh Bardugo, Orion
  • Rotherweird (2017), Andrew Caldecott, Jo Fletcher Books (Quercus)
  • The Priory of the Orange Tree (2019), Samantha Shannon, Bloomsbury

Hannah McCall is a line-editor, copy-editor and proofreader who specialises in working with independent authors and publishers of commercial fiction, particularly speculative fiction. She is an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading (CIEP) and a Partner Member of The Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi).

Recommended books for writers and editors

Recommended books for proofreaders and editors (and writers)At a recent meeting of the Society for Editors and Proofreaders (SfEP) West Surrey and North Hampshire local group, we spent a couple of hours talking about our favourite resources: those books and websites we turn to first when we are working. Here are some of the books I would recommend to proofreaders and editors, and to writers – and the good news is you may be able to try them all out before deciding to spend your hard-earned money.

New Hart’s Rules: The Oxford Style Guide (Oxford University Press, 2014)

New Hart’s is a handy little style guide, primarily for conventions within UK publishing. It’s thorough and straightforward, and it gives plenty of helpful examples. I used it a lot when I started out and I still have it within easy reach now. If you have a UK library card, you may be able to access New Hart’s for free (use this link and look for the PREMIUM tab).

The Chicago Manual of Style, 17th ed. (University of Chicago Press, 2017)

CMOS is probably one of the best-known style guides. It’s a treasure trove if you are working with US English and need to know US-publishing conventions. The print copy is a beast but, fortunately, you can access the same information – in a searchable format – online (a subscription is required but there is a free trial available).

The Penguin Guide to Punctuation, R.L. Trask (Penguin Reference Books, 1997)

Don’t be put off by the publication date on this one – it’s still the best book on punctuation I have come across. Trask provides clear, simple explanations, and does not assume prior knowledge. If you are worried about how to use semicolons, or don’t know a hyphen from a dash, this book is for you. You can access an online version of the guide for free via the University of Sussex (thank you to Etty of Elegant Words for that tip-off!).

New Oxford Dictionary for Writers & Editors: The Essential A–Z Guide to the Written Word (Oxford University Press, 2014)

This isn’t your standard dictionary – it focuses on those words and names that may cause an editor or writer difficulty. NODWE is designed with us in mind. Not sure about a spelling variation? Wondering if that term should be hyphenated? NODWE is the book you need. As with New Hart’s, it is available free online to many UK library-card holders.

Fowler’s Dictionary of Modern English Usage, ed. J. Butterfield (Oxford University Press, 2015)

I love Fowler’s. It is eminently sensible – there’s no nonsensical pedantry here. Its advice is easy to understand and international in scope. This respected authority on English usage is a bit of a tome, so if you’d like to get a sense of the book, a ‘pocket’ version is available alongside New Hart’s and NODWE.


For a slightly different take on some of my favourite work-related books and websites, check out my blog post on the resources I use as guides to style and usage.

The Black Cat monthly round-up: June 2019

Black Cat Editorial Services_ June round-upI almost can’t believe we are halfway through the year already – where does the time go? I’m pleased that my workload has remained steady, and that I managed to find some time to enjoy the much-improved weather at the end of the month.

One of my June highlights was being asked to approve the typeset version of the review I wrote of On Editing – I’m not ashamed to say I was quite excited to see my words nearly ready for print! I think the review will feature in the July/August edition of Editing Matters.

What I’ve been working on

I finished off the fantasy-romance edit I started in May. The author was delightful to work with and I hope she finds great success with her novel. I also completed the second part of the short-story collection I began in May – it was great to see the themes coming together and the realisation of the direction of the piece as a whole.

I was then on to two fiction proofreads. One a modern-day revenge thriller and the other an action thriller set during the Second World War. I followed these with the proofread of a long and complex non-fiction book on how our brains absorb visual information. It’s good to do something different every now and then, but this project reminded me how much I prefer to work on fiction.

What I read for fun

I managed one book this month: The Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman. It has a great concept and the story rolls along nicely. It did make me think, however, about the art of using punctuation. The correct use of punctuation is, of course, important, but I think those little marks need to be wielded with style and sensitivity. For example, if the reader has to stop and re-read the sentence to make sense of what the dashes are doing, that’s a problem. If the reader (I admit this may be specific to me) is thinking about how ugly the punctuation combinations are, they aren’t absorbed in the story anymore. The punctuation should help the words flow by, should clarify and reinforce meaning, and all while being unobtrusive.

Looking ahead

Early July sees another SfEP local group meeting. We’ll be talking about our favourite books and other resources when we are working or training. I have a few go-tos (hello, newly re-branded Lexico) and it will be interesting to find out what other editors recommend.

Simple fixes: how to solve four common punctuation problems

Black Cat simple fixes_ four common punctuation problems(1)Punctuation can be a tricky beast. There are so many potential pitfalls and rules that should be followed, but there are some easy wins, some minor tweaks you can make that will elevate the standard of your writing. Here are four easily rectified errors I come across a lot. And they are errors to watch out for even if you are going to work with a copy-editor – or perhaps I should say especially if you are going to work with a copy-editor. If I look through a manuscript and see I don’t have to make these corrections all the way through, I’m going to charge less. So, let’s grab that low-hanging and money-saving fruit.

Ellipses that aren’t

EllipsisEllipses are the ‘three little dots’ that are used to indicate an omission or a trailing away of speech. In typeset text an ellipsis is not usually represented by three separate full stops – an ellipsis is a single symbol.* (You can see in the example image that the spacing is different.) When you are typing in Word, the software will probably autocorrect your three full stops to the ellipsis symbol. If it doesn’t, you should insert the symbol yourself (Windows users can press and hold the ALT key and then type in 0133). The main reason for doing this is to make sure that the dots don’t get split up over two lines; we want the three dots to be next to each other, or it’s going to look really weird. I frequently find that four full stops have been keyed in, which leaves us with an ellipsis and an extraneous full stop. Sometimes I’m faced with two full stops, and I have to decide if an ellipsis was intended, or query it with the author – which is time we could both spend on more important things.

*Some styles do represent an ellipsis using three full stops, but they are joined by non-breaking spaces – which means they operate like a single symbol but are more fiddly to insert.

‘Reversed’ apostrophes

Reverse apostropheApostrophes are used to mark omissions or indicate a possessive; I’m sure you know that. But I see ‘reversed’ apostrophes in nearly every manuscript I work on – in fact, I expect to see them. Reversed apostrophes often occur in the case of omissions, particularly things like rock ‘n’ roll or ’tis. It’s so common, you might not even realise it is an error (look at rock ’n’ roll again). Apostrophes are only one way round – the reversed apostrophe is actually an opening single quote mark. It can be hard to spot this error, and I’d recommend being alert to it as you are typing. Do not trust Word to know whether you wanted an apostrophe or an opening quote mark.

Please note, however, that there are some marks that look like reversed apostrophes but are not. You’re likely to run into these when using Arabic, Greek and Hebrew names and phrases, so do double-check if in doubt.

Hyphens used as dashes

Hyphen and dashes(1)Hyphens connect words and bits of words together. They are not a substitute for a dash. I often see a hyphen in number ranges (like this: 15-20) and used as a parenthetical dash (like this: the cat-the one with a bushy tail-was on the mat). En rules are used between elements that form a range (like this: 15–20). En rules (with a space either side) or em rules (without a space either side) are used as parenthetical dashes (like this: the cat – the one with the bushy tail – was on the mat. Or this: the cat—the one with the bushy tail—was on the mat). Word will often autocorrect spaced hyphens to spaced en rules, but lots of them slip through. The ALT code for an en rule is 0150 and the code for an em rule is 0151.

Double quote marks inside double quote marks or single quote marks inside single quote marks

It doesn’t really matter which style of quote mark you use – single or double – but it does matter that you don’t use the same style for quoted text within quoted text. If you have, for example, a character quoting someone else, the quote marks should be used like this:

Single and double quotes

Applying these simple fixes

Ideally you will have read this post before your novel reached 80,000 words, you’ve completed your edits, and you are about to show your manuscript to someone, but life is not ideal. Make use of Word’s Find function – but be wary when using Find and Replace. Check each change before you make it and resist the temptation to hit ‘Replace all’.